Category: Parenting

The road to being a stepparent is not an easy one. You will face many challenges. These include but are not limited to family dynamic changes, scheduling conflicts, child support payments, and compromising with the exs’. Connecting with your stepchildren is the hardest. Even more, when you are being a stepparent to school-aged children.

Challenges of Being A Stepparent to School-Aged Children:

 Divorce does not affect adults alone. Children too, bear the brunt of dissolving and forming new families. They have to come to terms with the absence of a parent, changes in routines, living arrangements, and many more. And these changes are perceived differently by children at different ages.

Research states that children between the ages of 9-15 years have more trouble adjusting to their new step parenting situation. They were more likely to feel sad, rejected, and betrayed by their parents for divorcing. They might also worry about their:

• Living environment: In event of changes to living arrangements, or the sale of the family home, children would have to adjust to being in a new environment. They would be away from the comfort of their home and will find it difficult to accept a place shared with you, their stepparent, as their own.
• Responsibilities and routines: Every family has designated roles and responsibilities for each family member, as well as a routine they follow. This structure is disrupted when you blend or form new families.
• Addressing stepparents: They will have difficulty deciding on how to address you. Unlike toddlers or preschoolers, school-aged children and older teens may be uncomfortable addressing you as ‘mom/dad.’ This hesitancy can stem from their anger or resentment towards you, or to avoid being disloyal to their bio-parent.

In fact, they would be less accepting of their step-parents, blaming them for their parents’ breakup or for being an obstacle to their reunion.

As a stepparent to school-aged children, you will find yourself constantly battling:

• Anger and resentment of your place in the new family. The child may never consider you a figure of authority and may try to undermine your authority over them.
• Their rejection of your attempts to build a family or connect with them.

As stepparents to school-aged children, be prepared to hear, ‘You’re not my parent!” a lot.

Stepparents to School-Aged Children: Red Flags:

 The first step to being awesome stepparents to school-aged children is to be aware of your challenges and to understand the child. It can help you take measures to build a nurturing and positive relationship with them.

We’ve understood the challenges, now let’s learn about some potential red flags that can be your stepchild’s cry for help in adjusting to the new situation. These include:

• A sudden decline in academic performance.
• Disinterest and passive participation in social and extracurricular activities.
• Sudden mood fluctuations, between sadness, and anger.
• Being hostile and defensive with both you and their bio-parents.

How to be a stepparent to school-aged children?

Here are some suggestions to help you build a positive relationship with your step kids:

Be realistic: You can wish for things to be perfect, but chances are it won’t be. Be realistic and accept that things might proceed slowly. Understand and accept your challenges, and commit to connecting with each child. With time and effort, they will learn to accept, and even if not love, will learn to like you.

Give space: It’s easier to smoothen things with the younger ones. School-aged children, not so much. This is why it’s important to give kids space to acclimatize to the new changes, including you. Instead of pushing the child to form a relationship with you, give them the reins, allowing them to set the pace of the connection. This is especially true when children are adjusting to the dynamics of co-parenting.

Communicate: Communication includes both talking and listening. Be transparent, open, and share your thoughts and feelings. This will give kids a chance to understand you and will help you build a rapport with them. Over time, they may feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and lives with you.

Include kids in all family discussions. It will allow them to share their thoughts and feedback, as all decisions impact them too. It can also help makes them feel included as a part of the new family.

Be original: Try not to take the place of their bio-parents. Talk to your step kids and help them understand that you are not looking to replace or compete with their parents. You can be their friend, or confidante, or play any role depending on the child’s needs.

Let Your Actions Talk: Help kids understand that you are committed to them and love them. Your actions can help them feel secure and confident in you. Follow through your promises, and ensure that you are there for the family as required, pickup-drop off, at school recitals and sports matches. It will always be the little actions that count.

Set Boundaries: Every family has its set of do’s and don’ts with regards to chores, routines, and behavior. You should set yours too. Collaborate with the children to decide on rules acceptable to all. Remind kids that as a family, you’re all bound to follow the rules formed and that some behaviors will not be accepted.

Find Interests: Find a common ground and share your love for it with your step kids. Be it sports, arts, cooking, or even crafts, share your love for the same to help them maintain a positive attitude. While building your relationship, remember to be genuine in your attempts as kids are more perceptive than we give them credit.

Connect with the bio-parent: Set aside your differences and compromise with the parent for your stepchild’s greater good. You all want what is best for the children, so why not work on it together? Be it for schedules, routines, or disciplinary methods, try to communicate and set consistent rules and boundaries to give each child more stability and to help them grow confidently.

Building a blended family is never too difficult. Being a stepparent to school-aged children is no different from being a parent. It both takes your time, effort, and unconditional love. And slowly, but surely, you will become friends with your step kids.

Author: Sarah Joseph:  An Occupational therapist, freelance content writer, and more importantly a stay-at-home mom, Sarah, like all other parents juggles her many roles. Her passion for writing combined with her professional expertise as an Occupational therapist (working with children with special needs) has helped her craft content specific to child health, wellness, and learning skills. At present, Sarah alternates her time between raising her two young children, and writing about what she knows best- children!

Additional Resources:

• Tips for establishing internet safety while co parenting.
• How you can boost your child’s academic success.

A playground is a promising setting for kids. It is known to offer emotional, social and physical benefits to all age groups. But it could soon turn into breeding grounds for injuries without proper planning and maintenance. This can influence parents’ willingness to take their children to the playground, since it will impact their perception of safety.

Most caregivers look for a whole range of features to ensure that kids are protected against unfortunate events during outdoor play.  They also want to feel confident that kids are protected at school when only a small number of supervisors are monitoring activities on school grounds.

Therefore, it is important to ensure playground equipment does not have faulty structures and improper surfaces that will ruin the fun and create risky situations. The good news is that there are ample preventive measures that can minimize such hazards. They can make sure that community parks and school playgrounds are solely identified as places of adventure, joy and imagination.

Here’s what you can do as a responsible park authority or school administrator.

Safety Surfacing

An appropriate surface under equipment is a good way to reduce injuries due to falls. Pick materials that are certified to meet all applicable ASTM standards like F1951 and F1292. The best safe surfacing options include loose-fill solutions, engineered wood fiber, and loose-fill rubber, turf, bonded rubber and poured-in-place rubber. Kids might still get hurt but the injuries will not be as severe as a fall on to a concrete surface.

Shade Structures

Constantly playing under the sun can lead to a multitude of complications. The most common is sunburns. It can cause painful skin reactions due to ultraviolet (UV) light exposure and major damage like skin cancer over the years. Precautions should be taken to protect children from sunburn.  Wrinkles, premature skin ageing, itching and blisters are also possible. Kids can also experience weakness, confusion and faintness due to excessive sunlight exposure. Shade structures can come to the rescue. Pick from hip shades, sail shades, umbrella shades and cantilever shades, according to the existing style and theme of your playground.

Age-Appropriate Play

Separate areas are vital to accommodate children of different ages. A little one who has just learned to walk might not be able to cope with high-energy older kids. Pushes, pulls and clashes might end up hurting both groups. So, create separate enclosures to increased playground safety. Consider investing in different play structures made for infants, toddlers and adolescents. These usually are designed with distinct colors, gears, heights and mirrors. They help to develop sensory and communication skills and achieve different childhood development goals.

Proper Lighting

Dark and isolated areas are good opportunities for crime. Consider bright lights to help parents monitor their children from a distance. Consider LED lamps and streetlamps. You can also consider high-intensity sports lights in urban parks. They can ensure safe play at night. Glow-in-the-dark lights are also ideal along trails. Well-lit playgrounds are safer and more appealing to parents.

Encourage caretakers to keep an eye on the children at all times. They must also notify the local ground operator about safety concerns as a means of preventing playground injuries. Further, children should not wear clothes with drawstrings and chords to avoid the risk of strangulation during play.

If you have a child at home, you understand that this is a fulfilling and rewarding experience. At the same time, there are going to be bumps along the way. Particularly when your child is young, he or she may have a difficult time sleeping through the night. If your child has a hard time sleeping through the night, you may be wondering what is wrong.

Furthermore, if your child cannot sleep through the night, there is a good chance that you are going to have trouble getting good sleep as well. With all of this in mind, what are a few possible reasons why your child is not sleeping through the night? Who should you visit for help? A pediatric sleep specialist can help you find a way for your child to sleep through the night.

Why Can’t My Child Sleep Through the Night?

If you are curious about insomnia and children, then it is important to think about a few common reasons why your child might have a difficult time sleeping through the night. A few examples include:

Your Child Is Too Young: One of the first reasons why your child may have a difficult time sleeping through the night is that he or she is simply too young. When a baby is first born, he or she is not supposed to sleep through the night. It is important for you to feed your child through the night during the first couple of months of life. That is why it is important to make sure you have support at home. You need your sleep as well, so you need other people to help you feed your baby during the night.

You’re the Reason Your Child Sleeps: Another reason why your child may not be sleeping through the night is that you are the reason why your child falls asleep in the first place. If your child is used to you being there when he or she falls asleep, he or she may be relying on you as a sleep aid. This can be a tough habit to break; however, a sleep specialist for children may be able to help you.

The Bedtime Routine Is Messed Up: Our bodies like to get into a circadian rhythm. It is possible that your child may not have developed his or her circadian rhythm yet. You need to help your child develop a bedtime routine. This routine will signal to your child’s body that it is time to go to sleep.

Your Child Isn’t Napping Properly: If you have a young child at home, he or she may take naps during the day. If the napping schedule is off, then your child may have a hard time falling asleep at night. Even though your child might need to nap during the day, make sure your child doesn’t sleep for too long. Otherwise, he or she will have a difficult time going to bed at night.

The need for sleep as children grow cannot be underestimated.  These are just a few of the many reasons why your child may have a difficult time falling asleep at night. It could be helpful to meet with a sleep medicine specialist to talk about your options.

What Is a Pediatric Sleep Specialist?

A pediatric sleep specialist, such as the specialist at North Texas Medical Center, is someone who has gone through additional training specifically to help children who have sleep issues. When a doctor finishes medical school, he or she has to complete residency first. After this, some doctors decide to go through additional training, usually called a fellowship program, in order to specialize in a specific area of medicine. In this case, pediatric sleep specialists have undergone additional training in the area of sleep medicine. Therefore, these are professionals who are specifically trained to address a wide variety of issues.

There are several common problems that a pediatric sleep specialist might be able to address. These include:

• Your child may have a difficult time falling asleep when it is time for bed.
• Your child could have trouble staying asleep, meaning that he or she wakes up during the night.
• Your child might have a problem waking up in the morning.
• You child may be in the habit of looking gazing at their phone or tablet screen just before bed.
• Your child might continually fall asleep during the day, including in class.
• Your child snores loudly at night, causing him or her to have trouble staying asleep.
• You child may open up about stress they are experiencing due to bullying or cyberbullying.

A pediatric sleep specialist is also able to address a wide variety of issues. This includes respiratory sleep disorders, non-respiratory sleep disorders, restless leg syndrome, obstructive sleep apnea, insomnia, and even issues related to neuromuscular disease. Usually, the first step in solving these issues is to undergo something called a pediatric sleep study. Therefore, it is important for parents to understand why a pediatric sleep study might be recommended and what this might entail.

Why Visit These Specialists?

The biggest reason why you should take your child to see a pediatric sleep specialist is that this professional could be able to help your child solve his or her sleep issues. If a sleep specialist recommends a sleep study, but there are several possible reasons why. These include:

• The doctor would like to monitor the pressure throughout your child’s airway to see if CPAP is required to improve his or her sleep.
• Some children may need a sleep study in order to determine oxygen or ventilator support at night.
• If your child has had an apparent life-threatening event (ALTE) as a baby, set a sleep study could be ordered.
• Some children suffer from chronic medical conditions such as spina bifida and scoliosis that could impact their ability to fall asleep at night.
• If your child has a variety of sleep disturbances, then a sleep study could be ordered. Examples include bedwetting, nightmares, sleepwalking, and night terrors.

There are several parts to a sleep study. These include:

• The doctor will probably order an electrocardiogram to monitor the rhythm of the heart.
• The doctor will also order an EMG to take a look at the muscle movement of your child during sleep.
• The doctor will probably also order an EEG to measure brain activity.
• The doctor may order a breathing test to look for respiratory issues.

Even though it can be difficult to live with a child who has trouble falling asleep at night, a sleep specialist to someone with specialized training who may be able to help you. It is important to reach out to a pediatric sleep specialist with any questions or concerns related to the sleep of your child. That way, you know that all possible concerns have been addressed.

Consent has always been a controversial topic for many reasons. Since childhood, adults have indoctrinated a certain mindset into children that anybody can hug or kiss them. Often around us, we see grandparents, uncles, or aunts being physically affectionate to a clearly uncomfortable toddler.

These situations often create a tantrum if the child refuses unwanted physical affection, no matter how well intentioned or loving.

Growing up, young adults are taught to accept affection from their spouses or partners no matter how they feel since they have a “right” on each other. Being physical is often stressful and traumatizing for people who go through that without consent.

Most of the times, being affectionate without consent can go borderline with physical/sexual abuse, and the very reason for its development is lack of awareness. Seeking consent is still a foreign concept in most societies, and it needs to desperately be normalized now more than ever.

Why is it necessary to teach consent to kids?

It is essential to teach the concept of consent to kids to practice it fully when they reach adulthood. A lot of children are unaware of their bodily autonomy, and it leads to dangerous circumstances. Taking control of your body and saying “no” when something makes you uncomfortable goes a long way into self-care and protection.

Every parent must teach their children consent in a way that is clear to them. It may take some practice and a bit of backlash from certain people, but it will be worth it in the long run. Some of the easy ways to teach consent to your children are mentioned below:

Easy ways to familiarize kids with consent:

1. Good Touch vs Bad Touch:

The very basic concept about consent is the topic of good and bad touch. We need to start telling children where and how people are allowed to touch them, that too when they’re okay with it.

Use visuals to make them understand it better. Always check up on your child, and ask them casually if anyone has been touching them inappropriately. Keep an eye on the people around them, even if it is your closest family or friends. Also, be open to their questions to clear any confusions.

2. Hugging or touching a friend:

Always teach them to seek permission from their friends before hugging or touching them. It will create compassion for others and care for their bodily autonomy at a very young age. And when their friends reject their permission for physical affection, teach them that it is perfectly okay to do so.

Being offended at somebody else’s bodily autonomy has been normalized so much that it is essential to teach your child the opposite as soon as possible.

3. Ask for their consent before touching:

Just like they need to seek permission from their friends before touching them, you need to follow the exact same thing with your child. Ask them before hugging, kissing, or touching them, and make sure they allow you before you proceed.

A child has just as many rights on their body as much as you do on yours. This also strengthens communication between the two, as both parties are clear about what they want.

4. Teach them to say “no”:

Ensure your child is equipped with the words “no” and “stop” at a very tender age. This will ensure that whoever touches them without their consent, family or not, they have the strength and knowledge to speak up about it and to say “no”. People will definitely be offended, but it is not worth losing your child’s bodily autonomy.

Children should definitely be taught to be verbally expressive, be it for consent, their emotions, or their troubles. It is always a good idea to express yourself without feeling any hindrance in your ability to do so. For example, speaking up when someone violates your bodily autonomy is always a good idea.

5. Create a healthy space between you and your kid:

Many parents believe that they have a right over their children, making them trespass any healthy boundary that they should have with their children. For example, it is considered inappropriate when parents knock on their child’s door before entering their room instead of just barging unannounced.

The truth is, such healthy spaces create a sense of consent and autonomy that helps them grow more robust and more independent in future. Moreover, when you create a healthy distance between you and your kids, you teach them that they have value. In this way, you teach them respect and a sense of responsibility at a very young age.

6. Do not allow anyone to force affection on your kid:

Young children may be too young and scared to say it themselves, but when you see ANYONE forcing themselves on your kid, put a stop to it immediately. Make sure your child sees and hears you standing up for them, so they know you are there for them and sees you as a protective figure.

According to Darkness to Light child sexual abuse statistics,  30% of child sexual abuse cases arise from within families, and over 90% of children who are victims of abuse know their abusers. Therefore, do not trust anyone with your children if they’re uncomfortable with them, and be very clear when it comes to consent for physical affection.

Final Thoughts:

Consent holds a critical position in relationships as well as in each individual’s life. Consent is respect for boundaries, bodily autonomy, and the courtesy to care for another person’s comfort and mental peace. When taught at a young age to kids, they understand it better and get used to it for a long time, so applying this practice into adulthood will not be a problem anymore.

All parents need to be aware of the dangers in society and need to protect their children by teaching them these ground rules of basic decency and respect for each person through respecting and maintaining consent.